i don't really hate them although sometimes i feel like i do. but it really was my fault. but it also wasn't. i don't know anymore. i was in psychosis i don't remember most of it. i just have screenshots of what was said and our old dms. i dont even talk to the person who provided me those screenshots. they stopped talking to me the day kamea died. its odd. but i remember specifically one thing that you said, kai (and i still wont use your actual name because i still respect you too much). i remember you said something along the lines of "it was selfish of me to think that cobbler would be okay." you knew to some extent, didn't you? you knew what this was going to do. and of course, my mental health isn't your responsibility, but you were my friend, my best friend, you could've tried a little harder, maybe. the last thing kai ever said to me was "please stay safe" because he knew. he knew he knew he knew and yet he did that. he turned his back on me. i understand he was worried about sam (again, fake name because i stil care about them) and leaving them alone because they didn't have anyone else, but he incorrectly assumed