The house was quiet now. The holiday festivities had ended and everybody had gone to bed or at least retreated to their rooms. Inside one of the rooms, tucked underneath the warmth of a shared blanket lay two young men. One being the room’s owner, Jesse, and the other being his beloved, Michael. In the early hours of the morning, the two of them were bundled together, both of them full from a hearty Christmas dinner and a generous helping of treats. Michael couldn’t remember the last Christmas he’d been offered so much food, but he hadn’t complained. It was quite the opposite, really. He’d eaten so much baked macaroni and cheese and mashed potatoes that he’d forgotten he was supposed to save room for dessert. It was ultimately worth it in the end, despite the stomachache he had for a bit afterwards. Now, as he lay there in the comfort of Jesse’s bed, he was given the chance to reflect on the previous day. It was probably the first ‘real’ Christmas he’d had in a few years. The past couple years, Elizabeth would barge into his room at around 6:30 in the morning demanding they opened presents that instant. William never really did the Santa thing, finding it a waste of time, so the only gifts underneath the tree were from him, and maybe some from Henry.
Michael’s pile gradually grew smaller and less thought out each year.
The siblings would sit in the living room and open their gifts, sometimes with William there although never very engaged. Then they would have breakfast, which was usually pancakes and scrambled eggs. Then William would disappear until dinner and the siblings were left to their own devices until then. Michael typically just retreated to his room. It wasn’t like he had anything better to do.
He’s brought out of his moment of dwelling by the feeling of movement beside him. Jesse’s gone ahead and nestled himself just a bit deeper underneath the blankets and pressed himself closer against Michael’s side, nuzzling his head against his chest. Michael had an outwardly prickly demeanor, but that didn’t mean he wasn’t one for physical affection, especially from Jesse, and he’d be damned if he didn’t let him use him as a heated blanket.
"What, are you still cold?" Michael asked, lazily wrapping his arm around Jesse’s waist. It was always amusing to him how easily Jesse got cold. It was like even after several years of living in Utah, his body was still built for sunny California.
"Yes." Jesse replied with a small huff through his nose. He didn’t understand how Michael wasn’t cold. It was practically freezing out there. Not to mention it was snowing. Snow made it extra cold. Michael rolled his eyes with a fond exasperation and pulled the covers up so that Jesse was tucked in a bit more before going to play with the strands of his hair.
"You’re such a baby." He teased, twirling a strand of Jesse’s hair around his finger. Jesse gives him a small kick in the leg in protest, and Michael has to stop himself from snorting in amusement. “Alright, alright. Geez, guess I’ll just… shut up and be your personal space heater.” He said with mock defeat. He can’t see much of Jesse’s face as it’s covered by the bedding, but he knew for a fact that he was pouting. The sides of his lips quirked up into a small smile at the image. He let out a quiet exhale. Despite the trouble he had just given Jesse, there was no denying that this was comfortable and indeed warm. There’s a yawn that threatens to escape his lips, but he suppresses it. He didn’t want to fall asleep, not yet. He knew that when he closes his eyes, he’ll succumb to the coziness and the day, this moment will be over. He wants to hold onto it for as long as possible, savor every last bit like the greedy, undeserving man he was.
Michael’s gaze lazily floated around the room, landing in various different positions. First on Jesse’s face, then on the ceiling, then on one of the many aviation themed posters hanging on the wall, this one in particular being one for Pacific Southwest Airlines, then finally at the bucket of unwrapped presents in the corner. Every single one of those gifts in that bucket was his, and they had all been gifted to him by Jesse. Michael had been baffled when Jesse had wheeled in a wagon full of gifts into his living room from the garage, proudly announcing that he had picked out each and every one of them. Jesse had clearly put a lot of thought into those gifts too. He’d gotten him a new pair of combat boots since his current ones were practically falling apart, a bunch of new records and cassettes, a brand new leather jacket, a few band t-shirts, and plenty of bubblegum. Jesse clearly hadn’t wasted a dime on him, and Michael felt that he hardly deserved any of it.
"You know, Jesse. You really didn’t have to get me everything that you did." Michael said quietly, his voice hardly louder than a whisper. He could just be talking to himself, he isn’t entirely positive that Jesse is even still awake to hear him talking.
"Don’t say that. Yes I did." Jesse retorted, proving that he was indeed listening. Michael felt a twinge of regret in thinking aloud. Jesse could be incredibly stubborn when he wanted to be, and he had a zero tolerance policy for Michael putting himself down. He wasn’t about to let him degrade himself, not on his watch. “I wanted to get you those things.” He added as he lifted his head and peered at the other.
"Yeah, I know, and I’m really grateful that you did, trust me, I am." Michael insisted, cupping Jesse’s face in his hands. He didn’t want to seem ungrateful. Now he was worried he seemed ungrateful. “It’s just, you got me a lot of gifts, Jesse, and some of those weren’t exactly cheap.” He explained, suddenly feeling guilty for even opening his mouth to begin with.
"Oh, is that what you’re worried about?" Jesse asked, his facial expression immediately softening. It makes Michael’s heart ache in a way he can’t comprehend. Why? Why does Jesse look at him with those eyes? "Trust me, that’s not an issue. I picked up extra shifts between Thanksgiving and now." He answered without waiting for confirmation from Michael. He didn’t need it. He knew Michael.
"Yeah, I noticed that." Michael mumbled, carefully lowering Jesse’s head back onto his chest and brushing a stray strand of hair from his eyes. It would’ve been difficult to not notice Jesse working more often, considering he worked for the very establishment his own father co-owned. The thought of Jesse pushing himself to his limits, working extra hours, burning himself out, all to get some extra cash just to buy some special gifts for him made his stomach churn. He was the least deserving person in the world, yet Jesse had done it without a second thought.
"See? So nothing to worry about." Jesse said reassuringly, nuzzling himself a bit closer to Michael again. Michael wanted to smack him. Not because he was angry with him, but because he couldn’t understand how he could be so clueless. Did he really not see the issue with all of this?
“You were exhausted.” Michael said bluntly, shifting onto his side and wrapping one arm firmly around Jesse’s shoulders. It’s almost as if he’s trying to lock him in place. He knows Jesse isn’t going anywhere, but it still puts his mind somewhat at ease to keep him there.
“It was just for like a month. It wasn’t a huge deal.” Jesse tries to deflect, but it’s a lousy attempt at best. He knew he was exhausted. Quite frankly, he still was. Between working, school, and prepping for the holidays, he hadn’t had a proper break in weeks. He didn’t need Michael to worry about that, though. That should be the least of Michael’s concerns, but of course, he was fretting over it anyway. “It was worth it, anyway. Being able to get you all of those gifts.” He adds, his voice softer and more sincere.
Michael bites his lower lip, diverting his gaze to the side. He’s not winning this argument and he knows damn well. Jesse meant what he said, and he’d do it all over again in a heartbeat. Michael didn’t understand. He’d never understand. Why was Jesse so content with just seeing him be happy? Why did he insist on going to the moon and back just to see him smile? He wasn’t worth the effort. Nobody else thought that, so why was Jesse so insistent that he was?
“Jesse…” Michaell breathed, his fingers slowly combed through Jesse’s soft tousled hair. “I don’t like the idea of you burning yourself out for my sake.” He admitted. It’s an admission of vulnerability only for Jesse’s ears, one that only slipped out because it was the two of them curled up under the covers in the dead of night with nobody else around to witness it. Jesse had this way of chipping away at the defenses Michael had spent carefully and meticulously building around his soul, and Jesse seemed to just slip through effortlessly. It drove Michael crazy, the way simply sitting in comfortable silence with the other boy had him thinking and saying things he wouldn’t otherwise dare speak aloud.
“I told you, I’m okay.” Jesse reassured. Michael let out a low hum, drawing lazy circles on Jesse’s shoulders.
“Maybe. I still didn’t deserve all of that though.” Michael said, his voice a quiet admission. Truth be told, he didn’t deserve any gifts at all, and he most certainly did not deserve the boy laying here in his arms. Jesse makes a small noise of exasperation. He wanted to grab Michael by the shoulders and shake some sense into him. He didn’t care if he thought he was undeserving, which was impossible for Michael to grasp, apparently.
“Maybe you think that, but I don’t. I actually think you’re quite deserving. I don’t care how many times you tell me you don’t deserve anything. I’m always going to disagree with you.” Jesse protested with a huff, and Michael knew he’s right. He was fighting a losing battle, and Jesse’s persistence was annoyingly endearing.
“Fine. Whatever.” Michael mumbled. He still didn’t necessarily agree, but he knew Jesse was hopeless. He’s too tired and comfortable to continue debating with him anyway. He just wants to spend the rest of the night curled up underneath the covers with him and not think about anything else.
“I win.” Jesse announced quietly. Michael has to suppress the snort of amusement, but does a terrible job of doing so which only makes it sound uglier. How embarrassing.
“You’re the worst.” He grumbled, giving Jesse a light push. Jesse yelps slightly in surprise, the newly added distance between them removing some of the warmth that was protecting him from the surrounding cold.